The other day I was thinking about how much my life has changed since I was young, and wondering what piece of advice I would give to myself if I could go back in time to the days of insecurities and confusion, but more than that, advice that I can give to my daughter once she gets there. A few things that I have learned and wished that I had known sooner came to mind, and one of them I still practice today..
When I was younger I used to lay in bed late at night just tearing myself apart for all of the dumb things I had said or done throughout that day or week, and wishing that I could be someone else. After a few years and a lot of hours of sleep were taken off my life, I knew that I needed to find a reasonable solution. Surely I wasn't the only one that felt this way, and yet, I couldn't think of a person worse than myself; my first 'ah hah' moment! The fact that I didn't remember every dumb or thoughtless thing others had said or done, probably meant that others didn't either. Then, I began a practice that I call 'The Five Year Effect'. I would start off by asking myself, "Will it matter two weeks from now?", to "Will it matter two months from now?", etc, all the way to five years. Once it got to five years and if it still mattered, then I knew action would need to be taken, and possibly some advice sought.
Whether it be wishing that I had done more for friends or family members that are no longer in my life as much as they used to be, said 'I love you' more to those who have passed on, or could take back hurtful things that I have unintentionally, or thoughtlessly said or done to others; I have my regrets. So what to do in situations like this?
Aside from 'The Five Year Effect', the only conclusion I have come to is that we must, first: remind ourselves that no one is perfect (aside from Jesus, of course), and then second: come to grips with the fact that sometimes good people can be the villain in other people's life stories (we've all seen or heard of 'Wicked', right?!), but still say sorry when possible or appropriate, and third: live the AA mantra, "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference." Amen!
So before you keep yourself up at night, just remember that no one is perfect, we are all our worst critics, and to only worry about the things that can be changed, but then realize that they can still be changed; change them, and stop worrying!! The fact that we notice the shortcomings of who we were today already speaks volumes about who we will be tomorrow (hopefully *fingers crossed*).
